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Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 28, 2009 @ 9:39am

Captain dnt_b_a_tard

Joined: Mar 28, 2009
Posts: 20

Maybe you have played against me.  I have played against many.  I exist for only one reason - to school you on how to play Galcon and make it a better game for everyone.   

I have played many games against people who get very very lame.  It has dawned on me that many people don't know why they keep losing when playing against me - so I thought I'd post here.

If you keep losing in games I play you should know;

1)  I don't care about my stats.  I use an unregistered account. (Dont B a TARD) Unregistered stats don't count - but that does not mean I don't play to win when I am up against reasonable opponents. 

2)  If I catch you parading, suiciding ANYONE, dragging a game longer than needed or just being unsportsmanlike, I will make sure you do not win again.  Players like Bluetree and Bongsales flee at the sight of me.   If you are a good player you should welcome the sight of me; you will get a good game.  If you are unsportsmanlike - fear me; you are a TARD.

3)  If you do not play to win see #2.  You are a TARD.  That includes playing to win second place with no intention of actually winning the game.  (though playing to win second after it becomes obvious who has won first place is OK)   EDIT:  On second thought - no.  It is TARD-y.   There IS NO 2ND PLACE.   (yes - even I can sometimes be a TARD ;) )

4)  Stalemates.   Not when I play!   You want to be a moron and stare at your static screen for ten minutes?  Sorry - I don't find the colored circles all that interesting.  I am here to play - not sit there wasting my batteries.   Even with my ranked account I will attack.  If I lose that game in one minute I can win five more games in the time it would take to break a stalemate.   Waiting five mintes does not change the outcome of a stalemate in any matter - no matter what you may think of you Jedi mid trick abilities.  TARD...

In a hopeless stalemate I will throw the game. I will attack the stronger player with 50% of my fleet.  If the other player just sits there (or attacks me) I unload on them with the rest.  If they attack the stronger player too then we have a very fun three way.  Wee! They are not TARDS!

If you would rather sit there with nothing happening - staring at colored circles forever - you are a TARD.

---------------------------------

Now - bear in mind - I am too good to just go suicide TARDS - not only is it ineffective but it also can hurt the other players if I do that.   I will position myself to be able to hinder for the whole game if I can't take the TARD out right away.  

The good news - after three games if you change your ways I will presume you are no longer a TARD.   

Other things I do;

1)  In a game against good players sometimes a strategic hit does not go how I intend.   Instead of continuing to attack my opponent (keeping us both weak) I will use my remaining ships to take down the numbers on a large unclaimed planet.   It is my concession prize to you for fending me off so well.  Appreciate it - but don't go thinking you are a genius.

2)  If it looks like there may be a 3-way stalemate forming I will start attacking high numbered planets ala peaceful turtle.   If someone attacks me I WON'T attack back.   I honor them for having the courage to break a stalemate.  

Sadly - they often are attacked by the other player at this time.  I've seen very very many players lose who shouldn't have because they were too worried about my counter-attack than they were interested in defending themselves.  I shed no tears - I just laugh at the TARD.  

3)  When I see another player who played well but got screwed over by a TARD I will surrender to them if they are still around after I've cleared the screen of the other players.   Never surrender too soon to me -  You are a TARD (but the only one I am sympathetic to)

I hope you find this enlightening.   If you see yourself in any of the TARD descriptions please do take it personal.  I hate you and don't think you should play.  I celebrate if you leave.   However - I celebrate more if you recognize your TARD-ness and improve your ways.  Though I will hate you for being a TARD I am quick to forgive you if you change your TARD ways.  Few ever do - but those who do become great opponents.  I've been known to help them...
post updated on Oct 24, 2009 @ 2:50pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 28, 2009 @ 7:48pm

Cabin Boy bluefalcon

Joined: Mar 25, 2009
Posts: 86

Your self-righteous know-nothing hackery is exactly why I enjoy playing exactly as you describe it: very, very lame. I'll take a registered account from zero to hero and back, however I choose to do it, and you ESPECIALLY could do nothing about it. I now make it my mission in life to play as lame as lame can play, thanks to you.
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 29, 2009 @ 3:08am

Cabin Boy no.mercy

Joined: Feb 26, 2009
Posts: 67

Lol funny how you kept suiciding me.. You know, this a team account so i dont care TT
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 29, 2009 @ 6:48am

Cabin Boy ipityu

Joined: Oct 12, 2008
Posts: 229
Location: Florida

Don't forget my favorite TARD - the 100%tard .   That is the player who always sends 100% and eventually loses by leaving planets undefended
post updated on Mar 29, 2009 @ 6:51am
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 29, 2009 @ 7:04am

Captain dnt_b_a_tard

Joined: Mar 28, 2009
Posts: 20

I now make it my mission in life to play as lame as lame can play, thanks to you.

So basically - nothing changes except now you KNOW you are a TARD.   Pretty much how I would expect a TARD to react.  I would expect a comment just like this from someone who does not know how to be a good sport.  Thanks for giving me something to do - and for so aptly demonstrating why I should.
post updated on Mar 29, 2009 @ 1:46pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 29, 2009 @ 1:48pm

Captain dnt_b_a_tard

Joined: Mar 28, 2009
Posts: 20

Lol funny how you kept suiciding me.. You know, this a team account so i dont care TT


LOL  - funny how you don't think anyone bothers to check - but we've never played.  A simple review of your profile is all it took.   What a TARD.
post updated on Mar 29, 2009 @ 1:54pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 29, 2009 @ 3:00pm

Cabin Boy bluefalcon

Joined: Mar 25, 2009
Posts: 86

I now make it my mission in life to play as lame as lame can play, thanks to you.

So basically - nothing changes except now you KNOW you are a TARD.   Pretty much how I would expect a TARD to react.  I would expect a comment just like this from someone who does not know how to be a good sport.  Thanks for giving me something to do - and for so aptly demonstrating why I should.

You get to make up accounts and play how you want without worrying about rank because other people made up accounts and played how they wanted without worrying about rank. You are a hypocrite. Then you get to call names and dish out your perverted sense of Galcon justice. That just makes you lame.

And, to add a little flavor... check no.mercy's profile one more time. Look for blueFalcon and you'll see I played him, then consider the comment on suiciding wasn't directed at you, but rather me. Reality check: the world doesn't revolve around you.
post updated on Mar 30, 2009 @ 9:07pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 10:01am

Cabin Boy no.mercy

Joined: Feb 26, 2009
Posts: 67

Bluefalcon has it right..

And can someone explain to me what the difference is between breaking a stalemate by launching your fleet to a player and suiciding?
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 10:45am

Cabin Boy nohbdy

Joined: Sep 26, 2008
Posts: 100

Bluefalcon has it right..

And can someone explain to me what the difference is between breaking a stalemate by launching your fleet to a player and suiciding?

honesty...there is not too much of a difference other than the intent of the player breaking the stalemate. I guess the main thing would be that the player attacking at least keeps enough of his fleet intact that if the other players end up attacking each other, that one player can come out on top.
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 12:05pm

Cabin Boy mehaar

Joined: Oct 11, 2008
Posts: 390
Location: playing 2v2 as no.regret

One of the problems I have breaking stalemates is that whoever you attack, even slightly, will hunt you down across the board, at their own expense, just for having the temerity to try to break a boring staring match.

I quite often attack one player and then turn on the other, to get the fight going, but the first person I attack almost always takes it personally.

The best situation is where we basically swap positions and the third player thinks we are both weak and then he gets involved too.

I think I lose most of my three-ways because of boredom.
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 12:21pm

Cabin Boy bluefalcon

Joined: Mar 25, 2009
Posts: 86

honesty...there is not too much of a difference other than the intent of the player breaking the stalemate.
 
This... is relevant. 

I guess the main thing would be that the player attacking at least keeps enough of his fleet intact that if the other players end up attacking each other, that one player can come out on top.
 
This... is not relevant. That might be how you play, but it's not a determining factor for what is or is not suiciding. There can be any one of a dozen reasons I'll attack with 100%, non of which have anything to do with suiciding. There can be any one of a dozen reasons I'll attack the exact same player, high ranking or not, a thousand games in a row, non of which have anything to do with suiciding. I'll win some games, I'll lose some games. And apparently, this type of play will get self-righteous round-table types to spam Galcon with unregistered accounts in the hopes of doling out their backwards brand of arbitrary justice.
post updated on Mar 30, 2009 @ 9:07pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 12:29pm

Cabin Boy bluefalcon

Joined: Mar 25, 2009
Posts: 86

One of the problems I have breaking stalemates is that whoever you attack, even slightly, will hunt you down across the board, at their own expense, just for having the temerity to try to break a boring staring match.

I quite often attack one player and then turn on the other, to get the fight going, but the first person I attack almost always takes it personally.

The best situation is where we basically swap positions and the third player thinks we are both weak and then he gets involved too.

Temerity. I had to look that one up. I agree with most of that, but ultimately it's all circumstance. For every player I see hunting down the offender, there's another who throws their surviving ships into the third player. For every third player I see jumping in at the right moment to clear the board, there's another who jumps in too early and gets teamed on and destroyed. And another who jumps in too late or is simply too slow or strikes out too far or doesn't take the right planets... and ultimately gets beaten. Who in any of that has taken the correct action?

I think I lose most of my three-ways because of boredom.
post updated on Mar 30, 2009 @ 9:07pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 3:56pm

Cabin Boy quickrime

Joined: Sep 28, 2008
Posts: 178

Bluefalcon, you have clearly explained something many Galcon players do not understand and I thank you for it. There is no right or wrong in Galcon; every action has a consequence, but every consequence is determined by factors beyond any individual player's control. There is no one action that is always right and there is no one action that is always wrong. The challenge of this game is deciding what action to take based on past experiences of both impersonal events and other players. It is possible for a player to act in a way that made sense to them if not to you, and you need to analyze that move and find a way to beat it, or leave.
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 6:06pm

Captain dnt_b_a_tard

Joined: Mar 28, 2009
Posts: 20

As long as you are playing to win that is all well and good.  It is people who play for 'vengeance' or 'paybacks' or whatever who spoil it for the rest. 

I agree that all is fair in Galcon - but I don't have any tolerance for unsportsmanlike behavior.  Parading, suiciding, refusing to surrender WHILE the other player parades, playing 'paybacks' to the point of suicide - all are unsportsmanlike and all will be punished by me.  

Most players appreciate this - It seems the only ones offended are the ones who lack any concept of sportsmanship behavior and profess to perform one or more of these inconsiderate behaviors regularly.  I don't really care if they are offended - that is sorta the idea.

Three-way stalemates are a special case.  I will break them because I feel it is retarded to just sit there looking at a static screen.   I am not bored or impatient - I just figure I can win several games rather than stare at my screen.  Any good player should realize this;  It is better to lose one game and win five than just sit there.  

I have noticed that after I play for a while the more inconsiderate players will take leave for a few weeks.  YAY vigilantism!

Re; three-ways: what makes most three-way clash of the TARDS is the players who, after someone breaks the stalemate, are incapable of playing to win.   I've seen people waste nearly their entire fleet battling over a minuscule planet. (then continue attacking each other as the third cleans up)   THAT is a TARD move.  Ending a 3-way as a TARD is no different than ending a game with any other number of players as a TARD.  Play smart of don't play.   Play to WIN or don't play. 

If that offends you , then good;  Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.
post updated on Mar 30, 2009 @ 6:10pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 30, 2009 @ 9:04pm

Cabin Boy bluefalcon

Joined: Mar 25, 2009
Posts: 86

As long as you are playing to win that is all well and good.  It is people who play for 'vengeance' or 'paybacks' or whatever who spoil it for the rest.

And what arbitrary set of criteria will you be using to determine what is vengeance, what is payback, and what is playing to win? I will "suicide" the same player ten times in a row and lose ten straight games. Then through a certain set of developing circumstances, I'll "suicide" the same player ten more times and WIN ten straight games. At what point in that do you get to say I'm playing for vengeance or I'm playing to win?

I agree that all is fair in Galcon - but I don't have any tolerance for unsportsmanlike behavior.  Parading, suiciding, refusing to surrender WHILE the other player parades, playing 'paybacks' to the point of suicide - all are unsportsmanlike and all will be punished by me.

Congratulations on having the most contradictory set of statements possible in a forum. All is fair, except what YOU determine is not. That's also a little communist to me. It takes two people to delay a win: one to parade and one not to surrender. It takes two more people to get needlessly ****ed off: two players who refuse to change rooms. If any one of those four people have made the conscience decision to stay, why do you care? Why does your manifesto have a section stating how a player can or cannot play?  

Most players appreciate this - It seems the only ones offended are the ones who lack any concept of sportsmanship behavior and profess to perform one or more of these inconsiderate behaviors regularly...

I would LOVE to see a list of players who appreciate your Galcon dictatorship. I would LOVE to ask them why they have to rely on your gestapo tactics to get by. A good player, or a player who wanted to get good, is better off just facing it. Play a thousand matches of someone just suiciding you over and over. Learn how to counter it, learn how to beat it, learn how to go on and win. Don't rely on the secret service here to baby the match for you.

Three-way stalemates are a special case.  I will break them because I feel it is retarded to just sit there looking at a static screen. I am not bored or impatient - I just figure I can win several games rather than stare at my screen.  Any good player should realize this;  It is better to lose one game and win five than just sit there.

Oh awesome. More of the manifesto. Three people make the conscience decision to sit and do nothing, and you have determined that is the incorrect way to play. Another news flash for you... there are plenty of solid quality players who have sat through a staring match. Plenty of players with a few thousand matches under their belt and a stripe in the rankings. Someone doesn't enjoy that type of play? Leave. That can even include you.
post updated on Mar 30, 2009 @ 9:06pm
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 31, 2009 @ 9:34am

Cabin Boy fragg3d

Joined: Feb 10, 2009
Posts: 57


And what arbitrary set of criteria will you be using to determine what is vengeance, what is payback, and what is playing to win? I will "suicide" the same player ten times in a row and lose ten straight games. Then through a certain set of developing circumstances, I'll "suicide" the same player ten more times and WIN ten straight games. At what point in that do you get to say I'm playing for vengeance or I'm playing to win?


You can't win 10 games in a row suiciding; it's as simple as that. If you win, it's that the player you suicide made a mistake in the beginning, and I don't call killing this kind of player a suicide.

Learn how to counter it, learn how to beat it, learn how to go on and win. Don't rely on the secret service here to baby the match for you.


There isn't any counter for a suicide, at least in a three-player game, as the third player will attack both of us. That is why when you suicided me I took off instead of withstanding your assault and then earning second place. I play to win first place.

Three-way stalemates are a special case.  I will break them because I feel it is retarded to just sit there looking at a static screen. I am not bored or impatient - I just figure I can win several games rather than stare at my screen.  Any good player should realize this;  It is better to lose one game and win five than just sit there.
Oh awesome. More of the manifesto. Three people make the conscience decision to sit and do nothing, and you have determined that is the incorrect way to play. Another news flash for you... there are plenty of solid quality players who have sat through a staring match. Plenty of players with a few thousand matches under their belt and a stripe in the rankings. Someone doesn't enjoy that type of play? Leave. That can even include you.


I agree: I prefer to win a stalemate and then win 5 other games than losing the future stale-mate and then winning 5 games.
post updated on Mar 31, 2009 @ 9:34am
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Mar 31, 2009 @ 10:59am

Cabin Boy bluefalcon

Joined: Mar 25, 2009
Posts: 86

You can't win 10 games in a row suiciding; it's as simple as that. If you win, it's that the player you suicide made a mistake in the beginning, and I don't call killing this kind of player a suicide.

It was an oversimplification only to (maybe poorly) illustrate a point. What if purely suiciding for a few rounds led to a few wins? What if it caused one or more players to START making mistakes? And, how could this self-righteous-thread-starter see the difference?

There isn't any counter for a suicide, at least in a three-player game, as the third player will attack both of us. That is why when you suicided me I took off instead of withstanding your assault and then earning second place. I play to win first place

You're bracketing the situation, trying to make some vague point on specifics. Don't. I don't care about three player games because there are no three player maps. And I don't care to treat three player games as their own entity because I don't buy into the whole last-player-to-attack mantra. You CAN defeat a suiciding player and you CAN go on to win the match.

And I'm glad you play to win first place. I play to beat other players, whether I win first place or not. The great part is, Galcon is open to all different kinds of players. And my point in this thread: why do we need the secret police going around forcing players to play one way and not the other? You exercised the excellent option of going somewhere else. Do you not understand? You were supposed to sit there and take it until King Arthur here came in to protect you.

I agree: I prefer to win a stalemate and then win 5 other games than losing the future stale-mate and then winning 5 games.
post updated on Mar 31, 2009 @ 11:01am
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Apr 2, 2009 @ 6:24am

Cabin Boy ruebezahl

Joined: Sep 17, 2008
Posts: 8

As long as you are playing to win that is all well and good.  It is people who play for 'vengeance' or 'paybacks' or whatever who spoil it for the rest.

But you created an account here purely for the purpose of "vengeance" and "paybacks" for players who did not play the game as you expected them to play. Weird.

Yes, there are some really annoying people on the game. People who apparently suicide just to spoil it for others. But often enough it is difficult to tell the people who spoil the game on purpose from the people who just made an honest mistake and who believed that what they did was actually a viable strategy. And I really don't think that the game needs a "teacher" who goes around punishing people for their mistakes.

For example if I take over a high-production planet with value "15" at the beginning, then it might look to someone as if he could kill me off, if he is quick enough, so he sends all his armies my way. But in reality, I will outproduce his approaching armies before they can reach me, so all he does is weaken me, and to an observer, it might look as if he was a suicider who only wanted to spoil my fun, when he actually _assumed_ that he could beat me. Yes, annoying, but not a reason for the Galcon police to step in and label him a "tard". The line between "great strategy" and "looking completely stupid" can be very thin. And ultimately, the game is self-policing. If someone spoils your fun repeatedly, then just leave.

Stalemates are one part of the Galcon strategy. You have to estimate if you are outproducing your opponents or if they are outproducing you. You have to guess who will attack whom first. You have to guess what would happen if you attacked them or if they attacked you. And sometimes, a major part of a stalemate is to just wait for your opponents to attack each other. What is the problem with that? If you are on a stalemated server, waiting to play, then just leave. If people enjoy staring at their screens for 10 minutes, it is their problem, not yours. Some people have the attention span needed for lengthy games, and some might even consider them exciting. After all, Galcon is a strategy game, not an action game.

I also don't see the problem with not always playing to win. Of course, I prefer to win, but sometimes, just sometimes, I want to find out who is the better player. If someone breaks a three-way stalemate by attacking me because the thinks that I am in a weak position or that I am a weak player, then sometimes I enjoy _trying to show that player that he was wrong, even if that means that by the time that this player is beaten, the third player will kick my ass with little or no effort. It might mean that I will lose that game, but perhaps the other player will not attack me so easily in the next game.

Anyway, I also want to see a list of players who appreciate that there is some self-proclaimed Galcon police on the game, based on their own assumptions of what is "good playing" vs. "bad playing". I think that list would be quite short.
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Apr 3, 2009 @ 6:45pm

Cabin Boy quickrime

Joined: Sep 28, 2008
Posts: 178

The most effective way of showing someone that they are wrong in a hopeless situation is an abrupt surrender. The best way of showing someone that they are wrong in a not so hopeless situation is to win.
Re: Are YOU a TARD? :: Apr 3, 2009 @ 9:44pm

Cabin Boy the_musician

Joined: Apr 2, 2009
Posts: 640
Location: the.musician.is.in (at)g

The most effective way of showing someone that they are wrong in a hopeless situation is an abrupt surrender. The best way of showing someone that they are wrong in a not so hopeless situation is to win.


Well stated!!  It sucks for your stats, but an abrupt surrender really does teach someone to think about what they just did.  Out of hundrends of times ive done that, only once did that person ever go on to win.

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